You may have heard people talking about techniques used in NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming), and now is probably time to slay a few myths here. Firstly we do not want to produce technicians from our trainings, that is to say individuals that have learnt techniques and do them on other people. What we strive to achieve are strategists with a full understanding of not only why the techniques work but also understand the ecology of their use.
NLP is not a manipulative tool it only becomes manipulative when used by someone with un ecological intentions, someone who’s aim is to create a win loose situation, where they are wanting to be the winner. NLP is a do with, not to technology, where its techniques can and often do produce staggering results for the person, or client, coachee. www.revealsolutions.co.uk/testimonials NLP is not a weird science, or an invention, an explanation of the scientific research conducted over many years is covered in a previous blog looking at the origins and developments as being a discovery of how we achieve results and how they can be replicated for others. Bandler and Grinder uncovered a number of fascinating techniques useful to everyone, firstly that the language patterns we use in every day life or not random, they are a linguistic representation of our personal experiences. Have you ever noticed how someone you are talking to may comment ‘oh I see what you mean’ or another person says ‘I get a feeling I understand what you mean’. These are language patterns in operation, you see we do not consciously choose our words, communication would be difficult if we thought about each and every word we were going to use before speaking it. So if when speaking with people you take notice of the words they use and use them back in your communication. i.e. A says to B ‘well you see I have this rather large problem that I need to resolve’ B responds to A ‘ So would you like to tell me more about this rather large problem that you need to resolve’. There is no confusion or doubt in A’s mind that B has the same representation and therefore the level of rapport between A & B is significantly increased. A is likely to be at ease, comfortable, have trust in B quickly. www.cleanlanguage.co.uk/CleanLanguage.html To give you example to illustrate what happens when someone does not take notice. A says to B ‘Well you see I have this rather large problem that I need to resolve’ however this time B responds ‘So would you like to tell me about this small issue that you would like to clear up’. B has changed many of the references in A’s language ‘rather large’ has been replaced by ‘small’ and ‘problem’ by ‘issue’. ‘Need to resolve’ replaced by ‘would like to clear up’. This subtle changing of the language may lead A to believe that B is talking about something completely different, or that B does not understand. The possibility for conflict is almost inevitable, that is if they can get past the lack of rapport that has been established.
So in summary. When listening to someone else, take care to listen to them, to notice the words being used, it is not what you make of the context or the situation that you are listening to. You may even hear your inner voice telling you what you make of the situation, this would not be uncommon, it is the other persons representation that you should be listening to, and it is right for them, they are describing their experience. How could this be useful not only in our personal life but also in business? May be you might like to stop here before reading on and consider that question. What’s your answer?
I will give you my opinion. All too often conflicts occur because of a lack of understanding, born out of poor communication. And CRM systems only provide statistical information based upon existing relationships. Great business make those relationships first. In sales, the sales person sells what they believe the customer needs, in good faith, but is later found not to have been the ideal product of service. The customer does not return to make further repeat purchases, but advertises their dissatisfaction to the world. We buy a commodity once, relationships generate trust, understanding and multiple repeat business! Think about the impact to your business.The lost sale, because there has been little understanding of what is important, i.e. time, cost, durability, etc. The opportunity was there. The customer walked away. We walk away once! We rarely return!
Think about the opportunity to your business when a relationship is established right first time. The manager that did not listen to what the unhappy member of staff was saying and believed the issue or problem is far less important or impactful than it actually is. The member of staff left. People join an organisation, 80% leave the boss! Unfulfilled employees deliver poor levels of productivity; they also spend time and effort spreading the word outside of work that makes so much more difficult for a business to attract the highest calibre recruits! The assumptions that we can draw out of listening to our own logic, to make sense of what we believe we are hearing contribute greatly to the chances of this conflict occurring.
NLP training at your business or public course www.revealsolutions.co.uk Published in HR www.hrmagazine.co.uk 46% of HRD’s agreed that healthy workers are more productive. Stress is the biggest threat to a healthy worker and can be accentuated by poor communication skills and poor Emotional Intelligence in leaders! The clean language forum can be found at http://www.cleanforum.com/